Disclaimer: I don't own the Slayers, Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi, and various companies do. However, this story is my own, and I'd like to keep it that way. Have honour, okay? Enjoy.
Proofreading/editing/beta-reading for this story was done by Dreamsinger. Thanks DS!

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 A white, blinding light surrounded him. Then all he felt was warmth as the whiteness gave way to colour. He was standing in the main temple, surrounded by his friends. They were all staring at him, and they were all dumbfounded.
 Lina was, as usual, the first to speak. "It actually worked! Zel, you're human!"
 Delight washed over Amelia's face, and her wide eyes glistened like sapphires. "Oh, wow! It's amazing, Mister Zelgadis! You're really human again." Her voice grew more quiet with every sentence, until it was almost silent. "You're kind of handsome, actually."
 It was a realization and a half when he noticed he had not heard Amelia's last statement, but had only read her lips. His heightened senses were indeed gone. Suddenly snapped from his funk, he looked down at his hands to confirm it himself. Sure enough, pale flesh had replaced blue stone. He felt warmer, hot actually. There was sweat forming just below his lower lip, and he fought the urge to lick it off despite wanting desperately to taste the saline. "I don't believe it..." he mumbled to himself.
 "Congratulations, Zel!" Gourry encouraged him with a good slap on the back.
 Zelgadis was forced to take two steps forward to compensate for the momentum. It felt wonderful, and he grinned.
 Then his manners caught up with him, and he coughed into his hand. "Uhm... I'd like to thank you all. I mean, I wouldn't be human right now if not for your help."
 Lina grinned. "Yeah, well, it's not like we could refuse to help a friend. It's good to see you actually smile for a change."
 He was smiling so hard it hurt; he'd never felt happier.
 Still holding a smile, Gourry added, "It is too bad, though."
 The perfection shattered, and all the glee drained from Zelgadis' pale face. "Wh.. What? What's too bad?"
 Feeling guilty, Gourry could only shrug as he replied, "I mean, about how you can't travel with us anymore."
 "Wha... What?" a near speechless Zelgadis forced out.
 Amelia sorrowfully explained, "It's not to be mean, Mister Zelgadis. We, and most especially I, would love to have you come with us, but it's just not practical. We're worried about your safety."
 "My safety?" He could barely mimic the phrase.
 Lina could not make eye contact. "C'mon, Zel! You know you can't use magic anymore, and you're not that great with a sword, either. I mean, a troll could have a field day with you. Let alone someone like Seigramm."
 "Or Phibrizzo," Gourry noted.
 "Or Darkstar," Amelia warned.
 Zelgadis could not say anything. He could not think of a word. It was like someone had shoved a rusty fan blade into his chest and turned it on.. but he was too numb to even feel it.
 More to ease his own conscience than his friend's, Gourry continued, "We're not doing it to be mean, Zelgadis. We really like having you around, but we can't afford to be looking out for you if we get into another big firefight."
 "You know how Lina attracts trouble," Amelia reminded him in her meekest voice.
 With sad eyes, the redhead gave him a final farewell. "We're really sorry, Zel. And we'll miss you."
 The only three friends that Zelgadis had walked toward the temple door. He watched, stunned, as they walked out the door. Then they moved down the main hall, and, finally, out of his sight.
 It was then that the floodgates opened, and a torrent filled the emptiness that had possessed him. He finally felt the jagged blade tearing through his insides. The storm manifested itself in his eyes, and they burned as hot tears tried to quench them. "WAIT!" he screamed, his voice cracking from sheer, desperate volume. He started to run as the blade moved into his throat, tore it apart. "I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN! I WANT TO BE A CHIMERA!!"

 Zelgadis' eyes jarred open as he hit the floor. Blue green slits darted in every direction to make sure he was still safely in his dorm. His breathing was ragged. A thin film of sweat covered his forehead, neck, chest. His throat was sore. And he was crying. But he was stone, and that allowed his ragged breath to at least level itself out to shallow. He could not even pick himself up off the floor, he only rolled onto his back. He could not think.
 Lina darted through the door in a panic. He heard the metal knob crack against the wall. "Zel!" she nearly screamed as her eyes fixated on the floored chimera. She hurriedly kneeled beside him. "What's wrong!?
 He wanted to answer, but he was too occupied with breathing. He also realized that he had been drooling at some point, although the knowledge did not affect him as much as it should have. Breathing hurt too much.
 "Zel!?" Lina questioned, more quietly this time, exasperated. Dumbfounded.
 "Miss Lina?" Amelia called sleepily as she walked in the door.
 The sorceress turned to the new visitor. "Amelia..!" was all she could say.
 Then the princess saw the cause of the commotion. "Mister Zelgadis!" she cried. She, too, dropped to her knees at his side. "What happened!?"
 It felt like someone had put a lead weight on his chest. At least, he would equate it to that if he were human.
 "I don't know," Lina replied, almost sheepishly as she bit her lip. She was too worried. "He... He doesn't look hurt, but..."
 He was in shock. And he finally realized what had happened. It was just a dream. Just a dream.
 Lina and Amelia were saying something as his breathing began to ease.
 "...just a dream," he forced out quietly.
 "Mister Zelgadis!" Amelia's voice carried a tone of instant relief as she looked at his eyes. He was now safely, and coherently, looking back at them.
 "Zel," was all the redhead could manage.
 "Amelia...?" he mouthed absentmindedly as he unconsciously tensed his fingers around hers. The last few minutes seemed like a blur. "what..?"
 "What happened?" Lina finally asked, with as much curiosity as concern. "Did you pass out?"
 Zelgadis lifted his head to start getting up, but then deployed the effort, letting his head fall sharply back to the hard wood floor. He could not compose himself. Still in a daze, he replied, "I... don't know."
 "Are you all right?" Amelia leaned over him, placing her free hand over his.
 He wanted to say 'I'm fine.' It was, after all, his natural reaction to the question. But he could not say it. The words would not form in his throat. And his throat hurt so much.
 After a long silence spent staring at the ceiling, he finally said, "Could you two leave me alone for a while?"
 "You think we're gonna leave you like this?!" Lina protested vehemently.
 "Mister Zelgadis, you look like... like..." She trailed off when she realized that his expression was somewhat back to its normal calm. She was silent as she watched him lift himself up into a sitting position. She felt alone as he let her hand go, and her lips set into a scared frown. "What happened, Mister Zelgadis?" she asked quietly.
 It was too serious a request for him to ignore, but he did not have a clear answer. "I'm all right, Amelia. I promise. I really just need to be left alone right now."
 There was a certain pleading in his eyes that rattled her. Lina read it right off, knew what was wrong. Amelia looked like she wanted to to cry as Lina took her hand and stood up, but something about the look of understanding on Lina's face calmed the princess. A worried sorceress escorted an equally worried princess from the room. Lina liked to think she was comforting her.
 Zelgadis made no effort to get up, and he decided not to leave the floor until he could make sense of his dream. There was no comfort in the painted white ceiling.

 Lina reentered late that afternoon. Zelgadis was still lying on the floor, but this time in a more comfortable position, on his back with his arms folded behind his head. His legs were crossed as well as he stared at the ceiling, while his face showed a calm, slightly bored expression. That is, until he saw her, then he pulled himself up, leaning back with his weight on his arms. His eyes widened, and his mouth opened as if he was not sure what to say.
 The redhead invited herself in, closing the door before she sat down on the edge of the bed. He seemed to have a childlike fear to him as she looked down at him sitting on the floor. Her face reflected his distress. "Are you all right, Zel?"
 The chimera looked at the floor, scratching one of the rocks below his eye. Lina could hear the faint scraping in the silence. "I'm fine, I guess."
 "You guess?" Lina repeated slowly. She had never heard him set himself up for another personal question before in her life. At least, never in regard to how he was feeling. It made her realize the severity of the problem, whatever the problem was. "Zel, what happened this morning? I know you talk in your sleep sometimes, but I've never heard you..."
 He cut her off more out of curiosity than anything else, "How did you know I talk in my sleep?"
 "Gourry complained about it when we first started traveling together," she told him. "But really, Zel, what happened this morning? You looked like you had a heart attack."
 "I... I really don't know what to tell you. It was only a dream."
 Lina gave him a sympathetic glance, tilting her head to the side. "The Rezo one again?"
 He shook his head. "No. A different one. Which is strange in itself. Whenever I dream, it's always about Rezo. This is the first different one that I've had since I've become a chimera... at least that I can remember."
 "So..." Lina wondered, "What was it about?"
 "It was about..." He thought for a moment, tried to put it into words. No matter how he thought about it, it seemed silly. How could he make her understand? Finally, he came up with something to relate it with. "Lina... do you ever wish that you had never learned about the Lord of Nightmares? That is, did you ever think you'd be better off not knowing the Giga Slave?"
 She was completely unprepared for the question. She looked up at the ceiling and scratched her head. "Not know the Giga Slave? Well, yeah. It's a lot of responsibility, and I was really creeped out after the whole Shabranigdo thing..." Then she grew quiet, and she stared directly at the stones beneath his eyes. "Actually, I hated myself for knowing it for a while. When Gourry was captured, and I saw you and Amelia killed, all I could think was 'Why me?' I thought, if I hadn't know the Giga Slave, then Phibrizzo wouldn't have had a reason to come after me. The world wouldn't have been in danger. My friends wouldn't have been in danger."
 An almost chilling silence fell over the room, and the darkness of memory filled both their hearts despite the sun dancing in the sheer curtains. A moment of silence for the tortured souls who dwelled in Sairaag, a moment for the once dead and the possessed.
 Finally, quietly, Zelgadis asked, "But did you ever want to unlearn it?"
 "Of course not," she affirmed with a touch of her pride. "If I didn't know it, the world would have been destroyed by Shabranigdo, and Phibrizzo would still be plotting somewhere. I mean, yeah, life would be easier, but there's no point in things being easy if you're not alive, or if the people you care about are all dead."
 "I had a dream where I was human, Lina."
 She almost smiled. Then the sorceress realized what her friend was trying to say. "Someone didn't die, did they, Zel?"
 He looked at her a little surprised, and wondered why his dream had not turned out that way. Of course, he was the only one who could have ended up dead. "No, Lina."
 "Then what?"
 Zelgadis sighed. "I won't be able to travel with you anymore."
 "What?" Lina exclaimed in disbelief. "Where'd you ever come up with an idea like that?"
 "I'll be powerless, Lina. I'll be completely useless in a fight."
 "Hey," the redhead protested, a slightly nervous smile complementing confident eyes. "You may not be that strong, but you still know magic."
 "No I don't," he disagreed, but then thought to correct himself. "I'm part brow demon. When I was human, I memorized every spell imaginable, but I could really only cast three. I was horrible with magic."
 "Which three?" she asked, but then cringed because it was off subject, and probably insulting.
 He humored her. "Lighting, Shadow Snap, and an impressive looking Flare Arrow that could probably only challenge Sylphiel's."
 It only made Lina cringe more. Those were three very unimpressive spells. She tried to shrug it off. "So you're a swordsman."
 "But I'm not," he corrected again. "I'm about average with a sword at best. I really wouldn't stand up to anyone good without my speed and stone skin."
 She smiled in defeat, and breathed a slight laugh. "Did you ever consider becoming a thief?"
 He returned a sardonic smile. "Yeah, but then I've got too much pride to be a petty thief, and the bigger the job, the more of a chance I'll be killed for some stupid reason."
 Lina stood up. "But really, Zel," she assured him, her smile turning genuine. "Before you're an ally, you're our friend. You're always welcome to come along with us, no matter what. You just have to realize that if we do run into more trouble than you can handle, you'll have to think about yourself first." He just sort of stared at her, barely taking in the words. He was not expecting them. "You're going to have to accept that you're not a chimera anymore, and that you may have to run away."
 Zelgadis did not like that sound of that, yet he realized he could not object. He just sat quietly.
 Lina kneeled down in front of him. "Even if you don't have the potential to use magic, there are lots of spells and charms to amplify magic capacity. There are also lots of magic weapons and armor out there to make you stronger, but this is the only chance for a cure that we've come upon so far. I kinda figured you never actually thought about what you'd do if you got your cure, but I think you should put that on hold until you actually are human. This may be you're only chance, Zel, and you shouldn't hold yourself back on our account."
 She wanted to let everything settle in, so she stood up and walked to the door. Before she stepped out, the sorceress passed a final look over the perplexed chimera. "Don't worry about it, Zel," she reaffirmed. "We'll stand behind you one hundred percent, and even if you decide you don't want to fight anymore... well, that just means we'll be able to crash at your house for free."
 Zelgadis found comfort in Lina's grin as she walked out of his room. Somehow she always managed to put things in perspective for him. Magic items, maybe lessons from Gourry... a house. I've never even considered that one.

 When Amelia walked into his room late the next day, she was surprised to find Zelgadis sitting on the floor amidst a veritable sea of old parchments. He was reading over a particularly worn one with an almost regretful look in his eyes.
 "May I come in?" she requested meekly.
 He looked up at her with a faint mumble of surprise. The chimera just stared at her a moment, suddenly taken with her appearance. Maybe it was because he was on the floor that his eyes followed an imaginary path up the curves of her body. Curves was the key word here; Amelia had gotten older, taller, more filled out. She was trying to grow her hair out straight, he figured, and she was probably frustrated because it would always fan out near the bottom. Her outfit looked slightly more like that of a traditional priestess' robes, and she was wearing heels. Finally, he caught her eyes, and was amazed to see that they had not changed at all over the two years. But then again, he thought, looking at his hands, neither have I.
 Wondering about the look he had given her, and his lack of a reply, she tried for his attention once again. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"
 "No," he responded quietly.
 She flashed him a knowing smile. "Can I come in?"
 He was just quiet for a moment, wanting to know what he should say or what she wanted.
 Amelia just shut the door and waltzed into his room, unceremoniously dropping to the floor beside him. "And, as usual, he doesn't know how to respond."
 True to form, he did not know what to say after that comment, either. He just watched her lean against the bed while locking her hands in front of her knees. Yet she did not call him on it. It took him a while to think of a reply. "That's very convicting of you." It would have been a quip if his concentration had be up to par.
 Her smile faded into concern. "You really are out of it," she deduced.
 "Yeah."
 "Mister Zelgadis..." She reached out to take his hand, and he pulled it away. Instead, she brought her hand up to the side of her face, leaning into it as she averted her attention to the bed itself. "Miss Lina told me you were feeling a bit self-conscious. That is, more than usual."
 "Not really... I just... I really don't know what I'm going to do. Once I'm human," he admitted.
 Nervously, she asked, "Well, what were you planning to do? I mean, you wanted to become human for a reason, right?"
 He exhaled while his lips curved into a weak smirk. "I just don't want to be a freak anymore. And I want to be myself again."
 "But what do you want to do?" She emphasized the question by sitting up straight.
 The chimera merely glanced at the paper in his hand. "Become human."
 Amelia sighed. "You have to want to do something... What are you reading?"
 Not taking his eyes off the document, he spoke softly, "I've spent all of my adult life looking for a cure."
 "Mmm... Zelgadis?" Their eyes met again, and the blue green slits seemed human somehow, almost wide, and painfully sad. "i don't understand," the young woman whispered.
 He tried hard to smile, but he only looked awkward. His eyes, however, gained a look of appreciation. "Everything I've done was to find my cure. I really have no purpose without it. I have no family, no home. There's really nothing for me to turn to."
 "You have us," Amelia suggested.
 Zelgadis just looked sad, though grateful. "But that's not permanent." Suddenly he felt a familiar charge in the air, that of an upcoming justice speech. Quickly, he added, "Really, Amelia. Even if I decide to just keep traveling, you spend most of your time at the castle, and Lina and Gourry... they're a... I'm sure they prefer to travel alone from time to time. And, even if they didn't, they're both going to settle down someday. Where would that leave me?"
 "You're always welcome in Saillune," she offered, with much less enthusiasm than she had expected. He did not seem to be in the mood to give any response that she would want to hear.
 As if on her mental cue, he said, "That isn't right, either."
 They were in their own little sound proof bubble again.
 Amelia picked up one of the papers on the floor; it was scrawled on in runes, and the handwriting was nearly illegible. Quietly, as if she had not meant to ask it aloud, she murmured, "Who wrote this?"
 Her answer came quickly from an empty voice. "Rezo."
 Slowly, she turned to look at him. Both of their expressions were blank. "I thought you hated him. Why would you keep this?"
 Zelgadis gazed over the collection of papers. "They're his notes on magic, particularly on chimeras, golems, mind control spells, anything like that." He picked up another particularly thick stack of papers. "These are from an abandoned lab in the Outer World. I don't know who wrote them. And this..." The chimera displayed what appeared to be the latter half of a book. "I ripped this off of a library in Xoana."
 The princess took the books from his hands and paged through it. The pages crumbled as she touched them, showing their age as their smell, a dusty, warm aroma, overpowered her. She coughed on the dust. "Old book section," she concluded.
 He smiled. "Ancient, actually."
 The chimera was looking away from her, but Amelia noted the warmth in his expression. He seemed to like talking about himself when they were on more neutral subjects. However, she was hoping she could draw him out into murkier waters. "You said you'd come back to Saillune..."
 "I will," he assured her, and, as he spoke, he looked straight forward. With resolve, he amended, "For a while. Until I get things straightened out."
 Amelia could only stare at him for a moment. He looked so picturesque, so confident. Unconsciously, her lower lip tightened  as she pouted; all she felt was confused.
 "What's wrong?"
 "Why couldn't you stay?"
 The words were like bullets, massacring his confidence. "I..."
 "We could give you a job," she interjected, her voice gaining unnatural volume as she leaned towards him on her arms. "It's not like you'd be freeloading. And you'd be free to leave when you want, I mean, it would be just like renting a normal room. And you wouldn't have to worry about meals or anything."
 "But I don't belong there," he reasoned. "There's no way I'd be staying there if not for you."
 The princess' heart sunk into her stomach and just sat there like a lead weight. "I don't get you, Mister Zelgadis," she began quietly, with an almost spiteful undertone. "You complain you have no family, but we're always here for you. You never let us help. You know you're always welcome in Saillune, you always were. The reason you don't have family is because you don't want it."
 "But you're not my family," the chimera pointed out. "And nothing can change that."
 "Why not?" Amelia snapped indignantly.
 Zelgadis ran a hand through silver wire. "Because, you won't ever feel like family. I mean, that would be incest or something."
 It was an answer she had not expected. As blunt as it was, it brought a faint warmth with it, like he was admitting his feelings in an indirect, roundabout way. "But, wait, Zelgadis," she added with a faint frown. "Family doesn't just mean brothers and sisters, you know?"
 He huffed out a sharp breath. "And if nothing happens, or if we do... if we broke up, then I'd have to pick up and leave all over again."
 Amelia got quiet again. I hadn't thought of that. Indeed, it was a terribly depressing thought. She bit her thumbnail as she mumbled, "You can't be optimistic, can you?"
 "It would be dumb not to bring up the possibility just to spare your feelings. If you never thought about the downside, you'd be crushed if it ever happened."
 "Of course, we'd have to be in a relationship for that to ever happen," she highlighted.
 The chimera shook his head, then stood up. "I just can't see it working, Amelia. You're a princess. Sure, you could help me out a lot, but I'd feel like I'm taking advantage. Unless you're looking to guilt trip me into a relationship, I..."
 Amelia bolted up and locked her arms around him, burying her face in his cloak. "Why can't you ever realize that there's a lot that can be done for free," she sobbed frantically into the stone wall that was his chest.
 "I know, Amelia," assured her in a hushed tone before placing a hand on the back of her neck. His other hand wrapped around her waist as he leaned his cheek against the top of her head. The extra stones on his face got in the way, and he was careful not to lean too hard into her. She was crying hard, though, and he wanted to be reassuring. "I just don't know how we're going to get an opportunity to explore that."
 And he was worried about that, about living in Saillune versus traveling with Lina and Gourry. There were lots of thoughts running through his head about his future, all were jumbled and troubling, yet they all brought a newfound excitement with him. He found that enjoyed worrying about them.

 Xelloss was starving for his own excitement as he mentally crossed off the days.

 And the day finally came.
 His friends found him the next morning standing outside the temple and staring up at the clear blue sky, looking every bit as sleep deprived as he was. Although he heard them walk out into the open air behind him, he was too tired to turn around. Lina nudged him with her elbow. "Today's the big day!"
 His weary smile was the most genuine she had ever seen. "Yeah," was all he could think to say.
 "You didn't sleep at all, did you, Mister Zelgadis?" Amelia chirped, ever the early bird.
 He breathed a short laugh through his nose. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep pulling at his brain, but the world seemed surrealistically perfect at the moment. The air refreshed his lungs with every breath, the morning dew giving it a cool bite every time he inhaled. The world had painted itself in soft pastels, the dusty gold of the bricks, the soft green of the trees, even the pink in Amelia's outfit seemed more subdued. Then again, maybe his vision had simply started to blur. Either way, the air was charged, and, for once, he felt relaxed.
 "Hey," Gourry warned, placing a hand on the his friend's shoulder. "You better wake up. You look like you're gonna pass out."
 "I just might," the chimera agreed, wiping one leaden eyelid with his thumb. Stone grated on stone, and he eagerly awaited the eclipse so he would never know the deadened sensation again.
 Lina grinned. "So you've been up how many hours?"
 "Probably forty or so, but I can't fall asleep. I'm just that excited," he confessed.
 "You should be, Zel," Gourry encouraged him while steadying the chimera. "But... you are going to be okay if I let you go, right?"
 Zelgadis could only nod.
 "I would hope you can stand on your own, Zelgadis. At least long enough for me to cast the spell."
 Zelgadis turned to see the priest in an elaborate golden robe with black and turquoise trim, apparently for the ceremony. "Believe me, I'll manage," he assured him.
 Daubrik's expression softened into one of empathy as he tensed his fingers around his Holy Book. It was finally time for him to return the favor that his elders had done for him. "Well then, we had best get prepared. The eclipse will begin in a few minutes."
 Before Zelgadis could take so much as two steps, he felt a tug on his cape. Amelia stood blushing, her eyes averted, though her peripheral vision was locked onto his weary expression.
 He sighed, and rolled his eyes before giving her a quick hug. She pulled him close and rested her chin on his shoulder as his cold wire hair pressed against her face. She closed her eyes in case of scratches, and whispered, "I can't wait to see you again."
 The chimera thought the whole display a bit cheesy as he released her, but he was thankful nonetheless. He only followed Daubrik into the main hall. Once again the stained glass maiden looked down upon them from the front of the hall, the stained glass sun behind her telling a tale of banished darkness. Above them, the great transparent window let the white sunlight beam down on them as the other facets bombarded the room in a smorgasbord of colours.
 "All you have to do is stand in the center of this circle," the priest instructed as he pointed out the huge magic circle carved in the stone floor. "I'll begin chanting from the altar as soon as the eclipse begins. The eclipse will last about fifteen minutes, and, although the spell takes about half that time to cast, it's best that you remain in the circle until the eclipse ends."
 Reality snapped Zelgadis' mind back into place, and he agreed grimly. Best to take all of this seriously now, he told himself. I don't want anything to go wrong. Besides, after this, I won't have to hold back anymore. Though I wonder what I'll do...? He mentally slapped himself for letting his mind wander again, but in the back of his mind, he fancied that he'd yell his triumph loud enough for the entire world to hear.
 Soon enough, the edge of the circle began to grow dark as shadow crept over the stone floor. Daubrik began to chant in a low drone of a voice, offering ancient words to his golden deity. The floor let off a dim glow beneath Zelgadis' feet, and the symbols on the floor illuminated themselves in a pale, shimmering light. The chanting became a low buzz as Zelgadis' senses reeled. A column of light shot up from the floor, enveloping him as a the light burned his skin like a thousand needles digging into the memory of once soft flesh. He shut his eyes as the onslaught continued, the light from below blazing while the sun above had only started its transformation. The eternity of pain was merely seconds, he realized, as the burning faded to a soothing warmth that washed over his stone skin.
 So he opened his eyes. The room had vanished in a pool of white, and all he could see was himself and the runes in various shades of non-colour. Disconcerted, he scratched his head, and met with no resistance. His eyes widened as his pupils retreated into their coloured shells from the brightness of it all. The wiry resistance of metal was gone, and, although he could not feel the softness of it, he knew his stone hand had just run through smooth hair. Zelgadis was in shock as he tried to get a good look at the lockes that fell over his eyes. In the end, he only gave himself a headache. He smiled, and wanted to cry. "It's actually working," he whispered to himself in disbelief. He covered his face with his hands and inhaled a sharp breath while, for the first time in years, actually touching his forehead. His skin was still stone, but the extra rocks were no longer embedded in his skin. He held his breath in eager anticipation.
 The response was a scream. A shrill, loud, scream. From outside the temple. From Amelia.
 Zelgadis turned to the sound, trying to see through the walls of white that surrounded him. The only colour to be found was a sudden, faint burst of red, unmistakably one of Lina's spells. Then the chanting stopped, and the light of the circle began to dim to a faint, transparent column of white. Blue flashed in pillar outside as Amelia set off a Rah Tilt, and the familiar din of battle replaced the silence of the priest.
 The young man turned to Daubrik, who clenched his open book with troubled hands. Neither knew what was going on.
 Zelgadis looked down at the shadow that crept over the floor. It was barely a quarter of the way across the circle. He bit his thumbnail, only to find that it actually broke off between his teeth. It was clear, showing the blue stone beneath it. Gourry's shrill cry of pain interrupted his awe. Never taking his attention from his fingernails, Zelgadis asked in a quiet, somber voice, "It'll reset if I step out of this circle, won't it?" Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Daubrik nodding in agreement.
 Lina belted out another spell, and the ground reverberated beneath them as Zelgadis ran towards his friends. It was like being underwater, and everything moved in slow motion as he left the pool of white. When he hit air, he felt the pricks as his hair turned sharp again, and the searing burn of rocks reforming on his face. He clenched his teeth as his eyes narrowed, trying to push the urgency down as it sped up his throat. He choked it down like the venom it was while he raced out the door.
 "Hurry back!" Daubrik called after him. "There's still time!"
 What Zelgadis saw when he reached the climax of the steps was the finale of a battle, and his friends were losing. Gourry lay sprawled and bloody on the steps with Amelia's hands hovering over him in a halo of white radiance. Lina stood before a giant fiend the colour of midnight. Its streamlined humanoid form showed a slight shade of insect, bulbous red eyes craving the victim reflected within them. The master sorceress only wielded a short sword against it.
 After intaking the situation, Zelgadis hurried down the steps to assist the underdogs.
 "Mister Zelgadis!?," the priestess gawked at the sight of the chimera rushing towards them. "Why are you down here?! You should be--"
 "What's going on?" he huffed, stopping in the middle of the scene, and, apparently, distracting the monster. It paused to look at him, and Lina took the chance to lunge at it. The creature was more than content to whack the redhead with one of its claws. It grinned maliciously as she flew towards the steps.
 "LINA!" Zelgadis yelled in distress as he utilized his unnatural reflexes, catching her with arms no softer than the stone she would have landed on otherwise. Gourry echoed the chimera's cry, trying to force himself up despite Amelia's arms pushing him down. Lina merely grunted a word of thanks while her shoulders reminded her of her unsoft landing.
 "I'm alright, Gourry," she called to her protector.
 Zelgadis, baffled by how a monster could stand against the combined sword and sorcery of his friends, began to ask, "Why haven't you already..."
 "Magic doesn't hurt this guy," Lina bitterly informed him.
 "And a Ragna Blade?" Zel mumbled, not moving his mouth while he eyed the creature.
 "He doesn't teleport, but he's too fast," Lina replied. "I can't keep up with him."
 Zelgadis placed Lina on her feet. Instantly she balanced herself, favouring her right leg, while her comrade drew his sword.
 "Astral Vine hurts it!" Gourry frantically advised as the chimera rushed the monster.
 It did not even take a second for Zelgadis to process his friend's advice. Instantly his eyes locked on to a gash on the fiend's abdomen, courtesy one Gourry Gabriev.
 "ASTRAL VINE!" he summoned the astral energy to his sword, and the fiery blade cut into the monster like an ax through a sheet of paper. It happened in a blur of inhuman speed, and the monster was sliced in half even as it tried to get away. The slain creature vanished into a whirlpool of black. Zelgadis allowed himself one calming breath before heading back towards the temple.
 And just as he turned a blur of yellow passed the bottom corner of his right eye. An arm hooked around his throat, strangling him with a savage strength. He could not see it, but he knew it was an arm as he placed his hands on either side of the elbow and tried to wrench it off as it dragged him off his feet. Zelgadis felt it tighten around his throat with a childlike ease as he tried to adjust, contract, constrict, anything to get air. His stone fingers clawed at cloth and flesh and more stone alike to tear the arm apart or get underneath it to pull it off. His vision blurred, and the blue sky started to melt into an all encompassing black. Suddenly, the pressure released. His eyes rolled forward again as air rushed to his lungs. A fist rushed with it, directly into Zelgadis' face. Shards of rock flew as the blood that had been waiting in his throat gushed into the free air. Something hard contacted his stomach in an arc of burgundy, and he felt his skin crunch into his ribs as they snapped. More blood escaped his mouth as the phantom arm gave the back of his neck a sharp elbow, ramming Zelgadis face first into the ground. Then the wisp of an onslaught vanished without a trace, and the three worried onlookers scrambled to the side of the fallen.
  "MISTER ZELGADIS!" Amelia creeched as she watched his blood run down the cracks that lined the steps.
 The dazed chimera gritted his teeth, trying to push himself up with his arms while the air he breathed turned to nails inside his chest. The stabbing pain made him want to collapse in on himself as the world around him turned dark.
 Zelgadis was not unconscious, but the shadow of a completely covered sun fell over them. As his shadow dissipated into all the others, he screamed while trying to struggle to his knees.
 "Don't move, Zel!" Lina freaked. The weight of the darkness fell hard onto her shoulders.
 Amelia fell to her knees, placing her arms over the chimera as she chanted in a possessed, almost disembodied manner, "Resurrection."
 "We don't have time for that!" Lina frantically cried as she wapped Amelia on the shoulder. "Gourry! Get him up those steps!" she barked while her throat tensed.
 It was a struggle in and of itself for the already wounded swordsman to heft the chimera up onto his shoulder. Zelgadis could not repress himself from screaming bloody murder as the blonde's shoulder rhythmically dug into his ribs with each step they climbed. The going was slow enough that he eventually managed to clamp his teeth together, hissing stifled screams and sharp breaths through them as his blood poured out to leave a trail behind in the darkness for the girls to follow. It was probably for the best, it kept the teeth on the side of his mouth from falling out.
 When they arrived in the temple, and almost hysteric Daubrik fumbled to assist Gourry in getting the chimera off his shoulder. "We have to get him into the circle!" Daubrik and Gourry both looped one of Zelgadis' arms around their necks, the weight of which forced the priest to his knees. Although conscious of his weight, Zelgadis failed to hold his concentration through the pain any more than to try to move his legs in the direction he was being pulled. They managed to drag the chimera to the center of the partially lit circle. The shadows had already initiated their recession. Daubrik took his place at the altar, spewing words as fast as his tongue would form them. His eyes could not hold pace with his mouth, and in his frantic attempt to help the chimera, his mind relayed the words from memory, from the fateful day that he had been healed.

 His friends watched helpless at the edge of the brilliant stage, able to do nothing but hold their breath. And pray.
 Gourry merely stood witness with wide blue eyes, hoping that his friend could be happy.
 Lina cursed herself for not trying to figure out the time reversal spell that Rezo had so easily used. It had been such a fascination before... but then again, she would not be able to use it on the sun for crying out loud. That would just be playing god. Her thoughts turned to the Lord of Nightmares as she tried to focus on the form of her friend lying in that blaze of white.
 Amelia prayed. She prayed to her mother and her sister, to her ancestors, to Zoalmagustar and the Lord of Nightmares. I just want him to be human. Please.
 Feeling half dead in the warm glow, the chimera did not attempt to move. I just want to be human, his mind echoed the request, though he did not know who it was for. The thought crossed his mind that he did not know what his mother looked like, but, as the warmth grew and he felt his wounds knit themselves back together, he thought the feeling must have been the same as when she held him. His mind balanced on the verge of a dark abyss until he took in a long, deep breath. So deep that his back cracked a bit, in a relaxing sort of way. In a way that had long been impossible due to his golem construction. That was when he realized that he was drooling on the floor; his saliva, formally blood, crept under his cheek, which was pressed against the floor. Lying on the floor had, in fact, become very uncomfortable. It was very, very hard, and he felt its hardness. Finally, it dawned on the young man that he felt the texture and coolness of the stone floor. His vision cleared itself as he sat up in the sea of light, disoriented by the sensation of weight and his skin shifting to mold to his clothing, the floor, his surroundings. He watched the light overpower the darkness as the last remnant of shadow gave way to the sunlight on the floor. Shortly thereafter, the supernatural cocoon of light around Zelgadis faded.
 Yet Daubrik still stood at the altar, chanting the spell, never stopping. And when Zelgadis looked into his eyes, he saw nothing but distress. No relief. No happiness. No hope.
 Zelgadis brushed the tawny hair out of his eye. Then he held it in place, amazed at the softness of it. He had never really noticed it before. He wanted to cry. It barely took more than a minute for Daubrik to finish the rest of the spell.
 "Mister Zelgadis!" Amelia cried, yet nearly laughed. It was all she could do to stand still. She was in utter disbelief. The creamy tan outfit was now filled by a pale, very young looking man with ochre hair. He looks my age, she noted gleefully. His chiseled features were smoothed now. And his eyes... His brilliant blue eyes, eyes with only a hint of green at their edge, eyes that were wide enough to even have a distinct edge... His eyes looked like they wanted to cry, because he understood.
 Daubrik faltered at even clearing his throat, but the site of fate's victim trapped in her web strengthened his voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't have enough time to finish the spell."
 Zelgadis could only stare at his hands, at the pale fingers that emerged from tan gloves. Only now did he realize how thick his outfit was, and how rough the material was to the touch. Any rougher and it might have been itchy. His palms were sweating; it was an amazing sensation.
 Lina clenched her teeth, afraid to open her mouth. She wanted to ask why Zel was still human if the spell was not completed. The bruises from the sudden attack had started to throb, and her head was still spinning, but she could never fight the urge to be the leader. It made her feel powerful to be in charge, even though her chest ached with helplessness as she watched her distraught friend on the floor. No questions seemed appropriate, especially when she felt the hand of a princess quiver when it grasped her arm.
 Even though the redhead turned to look at her, Amelia could not pry her eyes off of Zelgadis. All Amelia wanted to do was cry. It was all she could think to do, besides holding the man she loved, but the thought of accidentally shattering the magical field around him kept her at bay. Yet crying was inappropriate. Zelgadis was in a thousand times more pain than she was; the least she could do was let him cry first.
 The tall swordsman placed an arm on the young girl's shoulder, supporting her because he could not support the friend that needed it. Questions, alarmingly coherent questions, swirled in his brain. And, for once, they were ones that needed to be answered. He felt uncomfortable not knowing what was happening, yet the situation seemed too dire to ask. Everyone else has to know what's going on, he reasoned based on the feeling in the air, a cold feeling that made him want to hold something. His free hand found Lina's, and her tiny hand squeezed his in response to their mutual fear.
 He could not get over how good the cool air felt on his skin. Inside the temple was dark and almost lifeless besides the bright window he sat beneath. His senses screamed that they did not want to give the feeling up. Years of emotional control and rationalization beat their cries down with a cold stone fist. "How long will this last?" he murmured for all to hear, thanks to the echoes of the inner sanctum.
 "I don't know," Daubrik replied honestly, regretfully. "This has never happened before. It could be when you leave the circle, it could be in another minute." He wanted to say 'it may just stay like this,' but that seemed cruel. Better he be surprised about a good turn of events than broken at their demise. "I'd say no longer than a day, just because most of our spells are based on the position of the sun."
 Zelgadis buried his face in his hands, pressed his palms against wet eyes as his face and chest became unbearably hot. He knew his face would be red, that his eyes would water and his heavy breathing would show. Being human meant that his friends would clearly see his vulnerability, and he imagined how good it would feel if they could comfort him. He felt his own face and hair and the roughness of his gloves as they sopped up the moisture that threatened to pour from his eyes. Every sensation was heaven and torture ensnared in a sick tango. The only way he managed to stand was by reassuring himself that it was a joke, and that it would all go away soon enough. Avoiding eye contact with everyone, he walked to the edge of the circle, stopping with it an arm's length away. With trembling, unsteady fingers he reached for the barrier wall, hesitating at where he felt the field's energy concentrate into an almost tangible form. "How long until the next eclipse," he choked, wanting to sound hopeful, wishing he felt that way.
 The four travelers grew quiet and attentive to the point where the leaves could be heard rustling on the trees outside. Amelia hiccuped a tiny sob in her throat that wanted to be freed.
 He hated to disappoint them all. "The next total eclipse... will not occur for another forty years."
 "No!" Amelia cried aloud, tears gushing from her her burning eyes.
 Her reaction was right in tune with the young man who cursed a bitter 'no' beneath his breath. The word triggered the tears, allowing them to softly run down his face and neck, where they soaked into his collar.
 Lina and Gourry tightened the grips they had on each other's hand. Neither held back much, and the discomfort, the anger and sorrow expressed in force, was more comforting than it could ever hurt.
 Zelgadis turned his head to look at Amelia. Their eyes met, soft navy and soft teal. She was surprised to see that he was not holding back, and the tears ran down his face while hers trickled in sync with his. He was smiling. It was a weak smile, sad, but gentle. It made her feel warm inside, close to him. Zelgadis only felt hot, a combination of comforting warmth and burning horror. Still, when she sniffled, and dried her eyes, then smiled back, it was okay.
 So he touched the barrier. A wave of energy crackled and shockwaved through the room. Then there was no barrier, only five people, five humans, standing in a temple. Amelia ran to Zelgadis, wrapping her arms around his waist as she nearly slammed into him. Inadvertently, she knocked him backwards, but she managed to hold him up as he took a step back to regain his balance. Her grip was that strong, and he returned it, burying his face in her thick, smooth hair while pulling her as close to him as possible. It felt good to not have to hold back. He felt the tug of the material at the back of his neck when she pulled his cloak forward to dry her tears, and he felt bad about soaking her hair with his own. He wanted to cheer her up. No matter how bad he felt, it hurt a little more when she was sad. He relaxed his desperate hold on her to step back, wiping warm, wet tears off her hot cheeks with his thumb. His fingertips were burning with sensation when he laid his hand over the side of her face, lightly tracing her jawbone, his index finger resting below the back of her ear. Amelia pulled his hand away, only to return it after removing his glove. Then she pulled his other off, and removed her own. The pieces of cloth fell around their feet as Amelia held his hand to her face. It was amazing how warm his hands were when they were so clammy, so heartfelt and nervous.
 He pulled his cape around her, lowering his head so her hair brushed against his cheek. Then he pressed his lips against the side of her neck, right below her jaw, and their embrace became tight again. He realized how protective he felt towards her, and how good her touch felt. It made him realize he was human. So he held her. And they cried. And he waited with closed eyes.
 When he finally opened his eyes, he saw that the others had left, and the pull at the back of his brain told him it was time for Amelia to leave, too.
 She suddenly shivered when he backed away; it seemed so cold.
 He still managed to smile, and the blueness in his eyes was a sea of tranquil melancholy. "It's time for you to go."
 If she wanted to object, his expression would not have let her. The acceptance he masked himself in was evident in its falseness. He could not hide that his heart was breaking, not just for her, but for his hopes and dreams. Zelgadis had to be alone to let them go. Amelia forced a smile and gave him his peace.
 Seeing Gourry holding Lina in the corridor would have been more of a shock if not for the bloodcurdling howl that followed her out the door. Amelia turned on her heels to dart back to Zelgadis, only to be stopped by Gourry. He grabbed her by the arms as she protested, then pulled her close as she pounded her fists on his armor at the unfairness of it all.

 The pain was nothing new. When the irresistible power began to burn into his soul, freezing his body with fear, he wanted to fight. When he landed on his knees they felt like they had split apart. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, along with the clash of the chimes on Rezo's staff, a sound branded into his mind like a never-ending nightmare. He screamed and held himself, tore at his sleeves and then at his bare arms. His fingernails ripped apart his skin, then his skin tore his fingernails off as it hardened. Each rock that reembedded itself in his skin felt like a sword jabbing him in the face, in the arms, in the chest. He was lost in a sea of red when he began to bite down on his lip. One of his teeth shattered, giving into the irresistible strength of his real skin. It hurt like hell until it reformed into a fang, equally as strong as the rest of his exterior. Then he felt the real hell, the chain of captivity that bound his heart and mind. He felt it, it was too real inside his chest, inside his head. Finally, his vision blurred into a true haze of red.

 "Let me go! Miss Lina, tell him to let me go!"
 By now the screams had ended, at least on the chimera's end.
 When Gourry finally released her, it was only to find Lina blocking the door. "Let me go to him, Lina!" Amelia begged hysterically, then collapsed into the redhead's arms when she found she could not bring herself to force the woman out of her way. "Why won't you let me go to him."
 Lina explained dryly, "If he grabbed onto you, even for support, Amelia, he'd have killed you once he turned back into a chimera. He's just that strong, and you can't expect him to control himself when he's in that much pain." Her voice was even, but the tears dried to her face damaged the image of leader that she was desperately trying to latch on to.
 "but he needed me," the princess sobbed.
 "I know," Lina reassured her, stroking her hair. "But Zel has to be alone, Amelia. That's just the way it is."
 Gourry was the first to enter the room, followed by the girls. It worried Amelia to see her friend approaching Zelgadis with one hand locked around the hilt of his sword. It was even worse when Zelgadis did not react. He just remained on his knees looking straight forward, oblivious to everything. His eyes were red.
 "Miss Lina... what's wrong with him?"
 Lina blocked Amelia from approaching the chimera by simply extending her arm. "Careful, Amelia. I don't think he can attack us, but I also don't want to take any chances."
 Unconsciously, Amelia held her hand to her heart. "Why would he..."
 Lina's eyes softened with pain. She wished she could lie. She wished she could tell her friend to leave, but she knew that this was something Amelia had to see. Lina wondered how it would change Amelia's perception of their friend. Then she wondered if Zelgadis would be mad at her for allowing Amelia to witness it. But it was too late to ask her to leave. "As much as I hate to say it, so long as Zelgadis is cursed, he'll always be Rezo's puppet before he's himself."
 "I don't want to hit him, Lina," said Gourry as he let go of his sword. The image of Lina slamming Zelgadis into a wall to awaken him was playing quite clearly in the swordsman's memory. "He's been through enough."
 "If you can think of a better way to wake him, go ahead," she dared, hoping her protector would accept.
 Gourry kneeled in front of the chimera. "Can you hear me, Zel?" he asked, waving a hand in front of blind red eyes. "Can you see me?" He was disheartened when there was no response. "Come on, Zel. You're going to be all right if you just listen to me. All you have to do is wake up." Gourry lightly slapped the chimera's face. "C'mon, Zelgadis."
 The redhead felt dirty as she whispered dejectedly, "He probably can't even feel that."
 "I think he can!" Gourry objected.
 Quietly, Amelia backed up the sorceress. "i don't think he'd be able to feel that even if he was awake."
 "Maybe if we could just get him to move," the blonde suggested, a light glaze coating his eyes. "Maybe if we could get him in bed or something, he'd wake up on his own."
 "How do we do that, Mister Gourry? I mean, with him like this?"
 "I can get him to move," Lina announced bitterly. No one even asked why the sorceress closed her eyes and clenched her fists. It seemed cruel, but necessary. She wished Amelia wasn't there. Quietly, she chanted, "darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows--"
 Zelgadis' head disjointedly turned towards her as a hellish glow flickered in his crimson eyes.
 "buried in the stream of time is where your power grows."
 Without says a word, the chimera stood up and walked towards her.
 Amelia just felt lost. "What's he doing that for? Why's he moving now?" she yelped frantically, each word sticking in her throat.
 Lina frowned. "He's drawn to that spell's energy. Technically speaking, Zel is a creation of Shabranigdo. Heck, in some warped, twisted way, he's kind of a descendent of him. That's how Rezo could control him so completely."
 "Wake him up, Miss Lina," Amelia ordered in a pale voice. "This is... This is scaring me."
 Lina cringed guiltily. "I'm going to lead him to his room, Amelia. I.."
 "Wake him now!" she screamed, tears falling from her terrified eyes.
 Lina took a deep, tense breath before readying her sword, preparing to smash its hilt into Zelgadis' face.
 Amelia rushed in front of the chimera, spreading her arms to shield him. "What are you doing!?" she cried hysterically. Her face was red and the eyes that locked onto Lina's were a different person's. They were the eyes of a child losing someone important, the eyes of one trying to honor the memory of a lost friend.
 Clenching her teeth to fight the sinking sensation within her, Lina said, "I'm sorry, Amelia. It's the only way I know to wake him."
 "You didn't even try!" Amelia turned to the man of her dreams and nightmares, staring directly into inhuman eyes that were now charged as they sensed the power of darkness in the redhead. For the first time ever, he looked freakish to Amelia. He did not look human at all. It took every ounce of courage to touch his face, but she did. His face felt like stone. Only stone. He was breathing, but the all encompassing red was more like the dark glow of a machine than any spark of life. "zelgadis?" she choked, thinking that he should be crying along with her. "zelgadis? can you hear me? are you in there at all?"
 Lina put a hand on the princess shoulder. "He can hear you, Amelia. It's just not his decision to respond anymore."
 Amelia finally understood why becoming human was so important to Zelgadis. She thought of what it would be like to not have any control, to not be able to laugh or cry. Just experiencing that once would undoubtedly give her a lifetime of nightmares. In her mind, she heard Zelgadis yelling as he had done in the inn, lost in the sea of black that was sleep, cut off from the world and reaching for someone. Amelia cast a Visafrank spell on her fist, and hit Zelgadis as hard as she possibly could.
 At first he yelled, wondering why someone hit him. Then everything caught up with him, and he cried because he was still just Rezo's toy beserker. He fell to his knees, burying his face in Amelia's chest, remembering how her clothing felt minutes ago when his hands were flesh. It hurt too much, and he tightened his arms around her waist without pretense. When she choked, trying to hold off a scream, he immediately let go. She tried to tell him it was okay, but he would not have it, and when the others tried to comfort him, he yelled until they went away. Then he forced himself to stop crying before he laid down on the floor. I'm not human enough to deserve to cry, he thought as he closed his eyes, burying his face in his arms. The thought of how warm and soft his arms had just been in comparison to their current stiffness shot daggers into his eyes, but he simply closed them tighter. He also missed holding Amelia without inhibition. That had been the most comforting thing he had ever known. He cursed his luck and the world as he rolled on his side and pressed his hands over his eyes. The familiar action brought no repose; all it did was remind him of how nice it had been to feel his tears and wet face with warm hands, and all he wanted was that feeling back. He could not even feel if his gloves were still wet.
 

 Xelloss cracked his knuckles, then proceeded to shake out his hand. All the while he wore a perversely contented grin. "My, that hurt more than I thought it was going to." As he restored the tears on the back of his glove, his expression grew playfully curious. "You surprise me, Zelgadis."
 
 
 
 
 

To be continued....
 
 

Word to all: The dream sequence in the very beginning is based on a very similar dream sequence from Slayers N-EX volume 3 (the official CD). Of course, the cd takes the situation to more outrageous heights in the traditional Slayers style, but I can't take  credit for the idea. As a matter of fact, I probably lifted three or four lines verbatim, except I had to translate them to English in my head. (If I get enough emails, I might just post a translation of the scene from the cd.) ^_^
 
 

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